So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
