I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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