Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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