i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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