You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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