i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
