i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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