Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
