Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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