I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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