you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
