I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
