i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
