I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
