dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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