duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
