can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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