I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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