You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
