last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
