margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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