tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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