I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
