wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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