I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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