Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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