just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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