yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
