i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
