so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
