So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.