I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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