Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
