do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
