I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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