Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
