I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
