They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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