I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
