Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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