dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
