No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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