Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
