I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
