arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
