Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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