if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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