you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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