Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
only if we run a train.
done.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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