How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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