Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
