She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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