just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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