when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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