Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
