if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
