Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
