That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
