I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
