Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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