Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
