So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
