coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
