Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
