she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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