It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
