my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
