I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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