you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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