I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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