I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
