found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
