I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
