We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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