My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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