so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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