also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
