reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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