Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
